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Literature Text
"Professor Wernstrom, I hope I did not hear what you just said; Charizard should be classified as a Fire/Flying type?"
"And why is that a bad thing, Professor Farnsworth?"
Professor James Farnsworth rubbed his face in exasperation and took another drink of whiskey. Tomorrow they would decide on the Type classification for Charizard. Fire was the obvious choice. The second type was the hard part. You could read all the peer-reviewed scientific literature you want, but if you still can't decide on the classification, then there is a big problem.
"Listen, Henry," the respected researcher said, placing his hand on his colleague's shoulder, "I have done my research. I have studied Charizard's behavior and biology, as well as the literature of other scientists. Charizard is a DRAGON. It has wings, it flies, it has a bad temperament and it breathes fire. Ergo, IT'S A DRAGON!"
"That means nothing!" Prof. Wernstrom replied, "Gyarados looks and acts like a dragon too, but it was recently classified as a Water/Flying Type. My point is there is scientific precedent for Charizard being a Flying type."
"You are ignoring the scientific method, Wernstrom! You are only jumping to a conclusion!"
"I have seen the same evidence as you, but I have simply come up with a different conclusion!" Wernstrom replied, "And Charizard is a Flying Type!"
"Yes, but Charizard can learn Dragon-Type moves!" said Farnsworth.
"A Pikachu can learn Iron Tail, does that make it a Steel-Type?" Wernstrom replied.
"Touche," said Farnsworth. "Very well, then. Why do you think Charizard should be classified as a Flying Type and not a Dragon Type?"
"I am glad you asked," Wernstrom said while sipping his own whiskey, "Dratini, Dragonair and Dragonite are all more in tune with the old depictions of dragons. Charizard, on the other hand, is more of a winged lizard. While dragons are lizards, not all lizards are dragons."
"That made no sense," said Farnsworth.
"It's the whiskey talking," Wernstrom replied, "I apologize."
"But Salamence and the Legendary Reshiram have been classified as Dragons," said Farnsworth, "Salamence is very similar to Charizard, as is Reshiram, but it breathes fire, just like Charizard."
"Yes, but there is another reason," said Wernstrom, "Charizard is the evolved form of Charmander, which is a lizard. It cannot be a dragon!"
"Are you just trying to be contentious with me?" asked Farnsworth.
"I already told you my reasons!" said Wernstrom.
"We have to give our suggestions to the Pokemon Symposium tomorrow," said Farnsworth, "We need a consensus!"
"You cannot run around and give the so-called facts you have come up with!" Wernstrom replied, "I reject your conclusion, and substitute my own!"
"You turn into a fraternity brother when you drink," said Farnsworth.
"I was IN a fraternity!" Wernstrom replied.
"And you turn into the worst stereotype of one when you drink!" Farnsworth declared. "Now, let's go with my suggestion and call it a Dragon-type?"
"NO." Wernstrom replied.
"Is there any other reason why Charizard should not be a Dragon-Type?" asked Farnsworth.
"The Dragon-Type group is already filled with far too many powerful Pokemon," said Wernstrom, "There needs to be balance! Hence why Gyarados was already classified as Water/Flying. Also, Salamence and Dragonites are RARE. Charizard is a common Starter Pokemon!"
"Fair enough," said Prof. Farnsworth, "But does that answer our conundrum? Of course not."
"Then let's flip a coin," said Wernstrom.
"Are you MAD!?" Farnsworth replied, "Where is your dignity as a scientist?"
"Do you have a better plan?"
"… What should I call it?"
"I'll flip and you call it," said Wernstrom, "Whichever side it lands on is Charizard's second Type Classification."
"Flip it," said Farnsworth. Wernstrom flipped the coin. "Tails!" Wernstrom caught the coin and slapped it on the back of his hand before looking.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
"… I, Professor James Farnsworth and my distinguished colleague Professor Henry Wernstrom have come to the conclusion that Charizard is in fact a Fire/Flying type. This conclusion comes after reviewing the evidence in favor of the Flying type."
The members of the symposium looked at each other and back to Wernstrom and Farnsworth. "And how, exactly, did you come to this conclusion?" one of them asked.
"Through careful deliberation, Professor Westwood."
"And why is that a bad thing, Professor Farnsworth?"
Professor James Farnsworth rubbed his face in exasperation and took another drink of whiskey. Tomorrow they would decide on the Type classification for Charizard. Fire was the obvious choice. The second type was the hard part. You could read all the peer-reviewed scientific literature you want, but if you still can't decide on the classification, then there is a big problem.
"Listen, Henry," the respected researcher said, placing his hand on his colleague's shoulder, "I have done my research. I have studied Charizard's behavior and biology, as well as the literature of other scientists. Charizard is a DRAGON. It has wings, it flies, it has a bad temperament and it breathes fire. Ergo, IT'S A DRAGON!"
"That means nothing!" Prof. Wernstrom replied, "Gyarados looks and acts like a dragon too, but it was recently classified as a Water/Flying Type. My point is there is scientific precedent for Charizard being a Flying type."
"You are ignoring the scientific method, Wernstrom! You are only jumping to a conclusion!"
"I have seen the same evidence as you, but I have simply come up with a different conclusion!" Wernstrom replied, "And Charizard is a Flying Type!"
"Yes, but Charizard can learn Dragon-Type moves!" said Farnsworth.
"A Pikachu can learn Iron Tail, does that make it a Steel-Type?" Wernstrom replied.
"Touche," said Farnsworth. "Very well, then. Why do you think Charizard should be classified as a Flying Type and not a Dragon Type?"
"I am glad you asked," Wernstrom said while sipping his own whiskey, "Dratini, Dragonair and Dragonite are all more in tune with the old depictions of dragons. Charizard, on the other hand, is more of a winged lizard. While dragons are lizards, not all lizards are dragons."
"That made no sense," said Farnsworth.
"It's the whiskey talking," Wernstrom replied, "I apologize."
"But Salamence and the Legendary Reshiram have been classified as Dragons," said Farnsworth, "Salamence is very similar to Charizard, as is Reshiram, but it breathes fire, just like Charizard."
"Yes, but there is another reason," said Wernstrom, "Charizard is the evolved form of Charmander, which is a lizard. It cannot be a dragon!"
"Are you just trying to be contentious with me?" asked Farnsworth.
"I already told you my reasons!" said Wernstrom.
"We have to give our suggestions to the Pokemon Symposium tomorrow," said Farnsworth, "We need a consensus!"
"You cannot run around and give the so-called facts you have come up with!" Wernstrom replied, "I reject your conclusion, and substitute my own!"
"You turn into a fraternity brother when you drink," said Farnsworth.
"I was IN a fraternity!" Wernstrom replied.
"And you turn into the worst stereotype of one when you drink!" Farnsworth declared. "Now, let's go with my suggestion and call it a Dragon-type?"
"NO." Wernstrom replied.
"Is there any other reason why Charizard should not be a Dragon-Type?" asked Farnsworth.
"The Dragon-Type group is already filled with far too many powerful Pokemon," said Wernstrom, "There needs to be balance! Hence why Gyarados was already classified as Water/Flying. Also, Salamence and Dragonites are RARE. Charizard is a common Starter Pokemon!"
"Fair enough," said Prof. Farnsworth, "But does that answer our conundrum? Of course not."
"Then let's flip a coin," said Wernstrom.
"Are you MAD!?" Farnsworth replied, "Where is your dignity as a scientist?"
"Do you have a better plan?"
"… What should I call it?"
"I'll flip and you call it," said Wernstrom, "Whichever side it lands on is Charizard's second Type Classification."
"Flip it," said Farnsworth. Wernstrom flipped the coin. "Tails!" Wernstrom caught the coin and slapped it on the back of his hand before looking.
:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:
"… I, Professor James Farnsworth and my distinguished colleague Professor Henry Wernstrom have come to the conclusion that Charizard is in fact a Fire/Flying type. This conclusion comes after reviewing the evidence in favor of the Flying type."
The members of the symposium looked at each other and back to Wernstrom and Farnsworth. "And how, exactly, did you come to this conclusion?" one of them asked.
"Through careful deliberation, Professor Westwood."
So I decided to wade into an eternal debate that has raged through the Pokemon fandom ever since the beginning: If Charizard is a dragon, why is it not a Dragon Type? Well, I had a discussion over this on Tumblr and I decided to pop this little thing out on an in-universe reason as to why Charizard is not a Dragon-Type. To be clear, whatever problems you might have with this story are moot, because quite simply, this is not meant to be taken seriously at all, just a fun little headcanon I decided to do. I understand that this is probably not how real scientists would decide how to classify real animal species, but this was moot again. It's just for shits and giggles to put it simply.
Either way, tell me what you think!
© 2015 - 2024 BigD1987
Comments2
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Not what I would call, "high end literature" but it certainly is interesting. I might have like a bit more detail about the two professors, what they look like, what they are doing when they are talking (besides drinking), whats going on in their heads. But hey, even with the lack of detail thereof its still a entertaining story.